So, I Kinda Pottied at My Mom’s Work

 

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(I Just AWESOMED All Over the Place!)

It happened last July right outside her office door. It was a LONG way to the 115-degrees-Fahrenheit, pet relief area. (Remember, this is Arizona, and I had to go really badly.) So, I just squatted and pottied on the rug. Right? Oh, what a relief it was! And truly, according to my nose, other dogs had pottied there in the past. It was no big deal. I got scolded, of course. But, it was worth it.

Charlee’s New “Silver Paw” Dog Tag Gets 5-Star Rating

Like my new stainless steel dog tag? It’s very durable and aesthetically pleasing (and the current envy of all my neighbor dogs). Mom bought it from a special dog tag designer called Silver Paw (http://www.silverpawtags.com/). Ask your mom to get you one, too. I’m going on my walk now.

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Do My Brows Need Shaping?

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Charlee’s Naturally Beautiful Brows

What would you say? Are my brows the straight slope? The softly rounded? Impeccably arched? Soft and feathered? (I don’t think the “tight brow” best describes me, right?) I think I’m more soft and feathered with an impeccable arch, don’t you? LMK!Screen Shot 2016-07-19 at 11.03.01 AM

Source: cew.org

Charlee Survives Finals Week

Thanksgiving 2014: Selfie with Mom and Cousin Morgan

Thanksgiving 2014: Selfie with Mom & Cousin Morgan

First of all, I extend sincerest apologies to family, friends, and blog followers for my hiatus during fall semester. My workload has been grueling. Despite that, finals are over, and I survived! And, I should even make the Dean’s Honor Roll (although I am a little concerned because the professor in my “Javelinas: Danger! Danger!” class put test questions on the final pertaining to things we never even discussed in class and which could not be found in our textbook). Whatever. Right? Anyway … my classes were as follows:

“Lizards of Arizona”

“Poisonous Snakes Indigenous to the Southwest”

“How Arizona Heat Can Heal and Kill”

“Javelinas: Danger! Danger!”

“Advanced Communications: Barking vs. Public Speaking”

As you can see, I had a full load. But, my mom made sure I had plenty of good food, treats, walks, baths, adventures, air-conditioned quarters, and a clean bed. (Dad made sure I had plenty of TV time.)

Anyway, just wanted to thank everyone for not giving up on me. I hope to be graduating soon and able to write more often after that.

Happy Holidays!

Cheers,

Charlee

So, I Got Hurt This Morning

It all happened on my second walk around 8:30 a.m. My neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter was walking her two dogs. Technically, these little dogs are called Papillons. But to me, they look like long-haired Chihuahuas. And I hate Chihuahuas.

So, I barked. I may have barked a lot. Anyway, my mother was trying to pull me back, as I may have been a tad bit aggressive and feigned an attack on them. It just seemed that way. I mean, I would never attack, especially when the nine-year-old daughter and her mom always pet me and give me presents.

Anyway, I fell off the curb and howled. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. And, it was my bum leg.

“What have I done now?” I wondered, as my mother bent down and tried to examine the damage. I, of course, would not allow her to help — at all. Remember, Chihuahuas. I have a duty to continue barking as I intermittently howl in pain.

So, Mom just picked me up and carried me home, scolding me (rather unsympathetically, I would say) along the way. I was still barking. To any observers, it probably appeared as though I was a naughty dog.

So, we get inside. The leg does not seem to be broken. However, I have a dangling, bleeding dewclaw, and it hurts every time I move. My mother Googles “dangling dewclaw.”

“In case of bleeding, call vet.” Oh no! The vet?

So, she called the vet. Closed. (Hooray!!! 4th of July; Independence Day; a holiday!) Oops. Celebrated way too soon because my mother then called the Emergency Animal Clinic and described the situation. (Why, oh why, does there have to be an Emergency Animal Clinic?) They wanted to take a look. Of course. Why not? Let them take a look. Ugh.

So, my mother (my dad is always gone in the summer, and she has to do EVERYTHING) carries me to the car and drives me way up to the Emergency Animal Clinic at Scottsdale and Williams.

Did I mention that I hate going to the vet? You know what happens, and it did. Yes, the thermometer in places it just shouldn’t be. Anyway, guess what you do with a dangling, bleeding dewclaw.

“Oh, well, we will just spray some antiseptic on it, and yank it out.”

I nearly pottied on the floor. They were going to “yank out” the nail. Oh my goodness. I started panting. My heart rate skyrocketed. “Yank?” Sounds onomatopoeic. What a terrible thing to do to a dog all because of “Papillons.” (And did I mention that they had barked first? Really, they did.)

Sigh. I am at home now … recuperating. The vet said bed rest for five to seven days. That’s like telling my mother to go on bed rest … IOW, not happening. Energetic. Can’t miss anything. I mean, there are lizards and baby quails and a baby dove even.

Yes, and those awful Chihuahua lookalikes. But, I’m not one to hold a grudge. In fact, I can hardly wait until my mid-afternoon walk. I just hope no one notices my bandage.

“Doctor, Doctor” – Charlee Visits a Therapist

Doctor: What makes you bark at your neighbor’s Chihuahuas?

Charlee: I don’t know. It must be a reflex.

I Don't Know Why I Bark

I Don’t Know Why I Bark

Doctor: How does it make you feel to see the Chihuahuas?

Charlee: Irritated.

Doctor: Why do you think you feel irritated?

Charlee: Well, first of all, they wear bandanas all summer and silly kilt-type jackets all winter.

Doctor: Why does this irritate you?

Charlee: Maybe because they seem so prissy. And don’t forget, they start it all – the barking, I mean. They taunt me.

Doctor: How do you think the neighbors feel when the barking wakes them up?

Charlee: Mmm, probably not exactly thrilled.

Doctor: What is your goal in barking? What is it you feel you are accomplishing by barking?

Charlee: They need to know how silly they look wearing scarves. They are male Chihuahuas after all.

Doctor: Do you think perhaps you may be suppressing feelings of attraction?

Charlee: Boys wearing girls’ accessories? Absolutely not.

Doctor: Wasn’t your sister, Bandit, (may she rest in peace) part Chihuahua?

Charlee: She was. But my neighbors are nothing like Bandit. Bandit wore a denim visor.

Doctor: Have you been spayed?

Charlee: I am 10 years old. Is this question even relevant?

Doctor: How old were you when you were spayed?

Charlee: Is this a HIPAA violation? How much is my mom paying you? I think our time is up now. I gotta go potty.

Excerpts from Charlee’s Diary

March 25, 2014 – I just hate being 10 years old. My legs aren’t what they used to be. I lost my footing and fell, hurting my bum front leg. It was more embarrassing than anything because my toenail scratched the hair off the bridge of my nose. I am considering rhinoplasty, but the best plastic surgeon my mom knows is in Manhattan. I don’t think I could get there and back without anyone noticing, especially with my nose bandaged. And does rhinoplasty even repair lost hair on the nose? I wish I could quit staring at it in the mirror.
Oh, My Nose!

April 4, 2014 – I find this sign discriminatory on several levels.

No Pets Allowed?

No Pets Allowed?

April 17, 2014 – Those Farmer’s Insurance commercials are funny. The bear on the motorcycle … still chuckling.

April 24, 2014 – So, I was reading The Wall Street Journal today and saw an article about a cat café in New York. Apparently, cat lovers can go and eat, drink “Cat’achinos” (whatever) and adopt homeless cats at this cafe. I really feel for a homeless animal in New York (even a cat, I suppose). Still, I don’t think I want to go to Manhattan for a rhinoplasty anymore.

Celebrity Birthdays This Week: Charlee Turns 10

Charlee Then (2004)

Charlee Then (2004)

Charlee Now (2014)

Charlee Now (2014)

Charlee's BFF Then Was Bandit (2004)

Charlee’s BFF Then – Bandit (RIP)

Charlee's BFF Now - Fido the Ferret (2014)

Charlee’s BFF Now – A Ferret

Charlee’s Disney Connection (No, Not a Princess)

The Moon Isn't Far Enough

Sigh. The Moon Isn’t Far Enough

Remember the Disney Classic, Pecos Bill? Pecos Bill and his horse, Widowmaker, were best buddies. Then one day, Pecos Bill met Slue-Foot Sue, and it was love at first sight. Ah, but as is often in life, it wasn’t quite the fairy tale ending. You see, Widowmaker was jealous of Slue-Foot Sue. So, when she insisted on riding him on her wedding day, Widowmaker bucked Slue-Foot Sue so hard that her bustle bounced her uncontrollably higher into the stratosphere.

Being an expert with the lasso, Pecos Bill tried to rescue Slue-Foot Sue with his rope. Surprisingly, he was unsuccessful and watched while she eventually landed on the moon. With Slue-Foot Sue out of reach, Pecos Bill and Widowmaker were best buddies again. (Little did Pecos Bill know that Widowmaker had stood on the rope, thwarting Pecos Bill’s efforts to recover Slue-Foot Sue.)

So, what do Charlee and this Disney Classic have in common? Well, for Grand Jack’s birthday celebration, Charlee and I met him, Nano, and Mac-too (yes, still a naughty puppy) for a morning of shopping. Translation: my mother and I went shopping while my dad sat in his car, dog sitting both dogs. (Happy birthday, Grand Jack. Love, Nano.)

Anyway, recall that on Charlee’s first encounter with Mac-too, her brown eyes turned green with jealousy. (https://lovemydoghatemyelbows.com/2013/07/13/charlees-green-eyes/) And while Charlee hasn’t really wounded Mac-too (yet), she does not miss an opportunity to snap at him. On Grand Jack’s birthday, however, Charlee had Grand Jack exclusively to herself in the front seat of the car, ignoring Mac-too’s Tazmanian Devilish efforts to get her attention.

As the story goes, Grand Jack decided the puppy needed a walk to burn some excess energy. Charlee, still smarting after months now from Mac-too replacing her as Grand Jack’s best buddy, had zero interest in sharing Grand Jack on a walk with the puppy. So, she remained in the car to enjoy the spa-like tranquility of life “sans Mac-too.”

After a few minutes, Grand Jack and Mac-too returned to the car only to find it locked. Grand Jack peered inside to see Charlee, sitting in the front passenger floor with the car keys under her paw much like Widowmaker standing on Pecos Bill’s rope. But sadly for Charlee, Mac-too did not share the same fate as Slue-Foot Sue.

Instead, two AAA trucks and their Good Samaritan drivers were parked near Grand Jack, witnessed his misfortune, and quickly rescued his imprisoned keys from Charlee. With the car now unlocked, Mac-too jumped into the backseat again, thrilled to be reunited with Charlee. Good-natured Grand Jack, impressed with Charlee’s dog dexterity, gave her a pat on the head. (Yes, I know, rewarding bad behavior.) And, while Charlee coveted the petting from Grand Jack, she sighed heavily as she peered into the backseat at Mac-too. No, the moon simply would not be far enough.