I Don’t Know Why I Bark
Doctor: What makes you bark at your neighbor’s Chihuahuas?
Charlee: I don’t know. It must be a reflex.
Doctor: How does it make you feel to see the Chihuahuas?
Doctor: Why do you think you feel irritated?
Charlee: Well, first of all, they wear bandanas all summer and silly kilt-type jackets all winter.
Doctor: Why does this irritate you?
Charlee: Maybe because they seem so prissy. And don’t forget, they start it all – the barking, I mean. They taunt me.
Doctor: How do you think the neighbors feel when the barking wakes them up?
Charlee: Mmm, probably not exactly thrilled.
Doctor: What is your goal in barking? What is it you feel you are accomplishing by barking?
Charlee: They need to know how silly they look wearing scarves. They are male Chihuahuas after all.
Doctor: Do you think perhaps you may be suppressing feelings of attraction?
Charlee: Boys wearing girls’ accessories? Absolutely not.
Doctor: Wasn’t your sister, Bandit, (may she rest in peace) part Chihuahua?
Charlee: She was. But my neighbors are nothing like Bandit. Bandit wore a denim visor.
Doctor: Have you been spayed?
Charlee: I am 10 years old. Is this question even relevant?
Doctor: How old were you when you were spayed?
Charlee: Is this a HIPAA violation? How much is my mom paying you? I think our time is up now. I gotta go potty.