“Doctor, Doctor” – Charlee Visits a Therapist on #ThrowbackThursday

Doctor Doctor

I Don’t Know Why I Bark

Doctor: What makes you bark at your neighbor’s Chihuahuas?

Charlee: I don’t know. It must be a reflex.

Doctor: How does it make you feel to see the Chihuahuas?

Charlee: Irritated.

Doctor: Why do you think you feel irritated?

Charlee: Well, first of all, they wear bandanas all summer and silly kilt-type jackets all winter.

Doctor: Why does this irritate you?

Charlee: Maybe because they seem so prissy. And don’t forget, they start it all – the barking, I mean. They taunt me.

Doctor: How do you think the neighbors feel when the barking wakes them up?

Charlee: Mmm, probably not exactly thrilled.

Doctor: What is your goal in barking? What is it you feel you are accomplishing by barking?

Charlee: They need to know how silly they look wearing scarves. They are male Chihuahuas after all.

Doctor: Do you think perhaps you may be suppressing feelings of attraction?

Charlee: Boys wearing girls’ accessories? Absolutely not.

Doctor: Wasn’t your sister, Bandit, (may she rest in peace) part Chihuahua?

Charlee: She was. But my neighbors are nothing like Bandit. Bandit wore a denim visor.

Doctor: Have you been spayed?

Charlee: I am 10 years old. Is this question even relevant?

Doctor: How old were you when you were spayed?

Charlee: Is this a HIPAA violation? How much is my mom paying you? I think our time is up now. I gotta go potty.

“Adventures” (an Elizabethan Dog Sonnet)

Today would have been Charlee’s 13th birthday. Here’s a happy-birthday-throwback-Thursday look at one of her sonnets.

sunrise with Charlee

Sunrise with Charlee

She spoils me is what some may often say.
PetSmart, Petco, Pet Club and sometimes Lowe’s …
She takes me on adventures every day,
(and wants to take me flying with “Dog Bose”).

She bathes me weekly and brushes my shedding coat,
Puts cream on my paws and checks my face for stains,
Fastens the pretty pink collar around my throat,
In the ‘Benz we speed to Starbucks drive-thru lane.

An iced venti unsweet’nd green tea for her,
Grande water (and treat she brought) for me,
To the pet store next where cats are adopted and purr.
Lizards, parrots, ferrets and fish we see.

Adventures with my mom are always fun.
But my favorite with her is watching the rising sun.

Dear Santa, Naughty or Nice?

 

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What?

I found my darling Charlee’s (RIP) letter to Santa in her box of unpublished blog notes.

“Dear Santa, My mom said it was naughty for me to take my chew toy outside when I go duppy. But, I have to admit, I found it rather nice. Your call, Charlee”

 

 

Charlee’s New Meds (Go NSAIDs!)

So, my story today is about my new meds.

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Charlee Takes Her Meds

This past week, my mom has been putting some really delicious sliced turkey in my breakfast bowl. The really delicious sliced turkey has a small pill wrapped inside. The small pill is an NSAID … a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug, and it works wonders for my arthritis.

If you suffer from arthritis pain and haven’t tried NSAIDs, ask your veterinarian to talk to your mom about them. I feel like a new dog at 12 and a half years old.

Anyway, so about the picture … I like to eat the turkey first, right? It does taste the best. But, my mom usually buries the really delicious sliced turkey beneath my kibble and green beans, forcing me to take the kibble and green beans out of the bowl and make creative designs with them on the floor. I’m pretty sure my mom would get angry about my creative designs if she wasn’t the paparazzi with that smart phone of hers.

Remember: take your NSAIDs. #carprofen #deracoxib #firocoxib #meloxicam #NSAIDsfordogs #arthritisindogs

A National Pet Day Message to Mom & Dad

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From Charlee with love

To Mom:

I hate it when you travel and leave me at home. I miss you. That’s why I got in your suitcase. I was expressing my love and devotion. I didn’t mean to shed voluminous amounts of white hair on your expensive black suit just out of the dry cleaners.

And Dad just doesn’t understand when you leave me home with him. (I don’t mean to tattle. But, once when you were gone, he turned me pink when he tried to bathe me after letting me step in wet red paint from the NO PARKING ZONE refresher coat.)

To Dad:

Sorry, but you just don’t understand me like Mom does.

She bathes me in organic hypoallergenic dog shampoo with a hint of lavender scent, treats me with organic salmon and buffalo treats, cooks me organic chicken with red quinoa, wakes up in the middle of the night to take me out to potty, wakes up at 4 a.m. to feed me breakfast, lets me bark at dogs on TV without scolding me, tells me how smart I am when I remind her to brush my teeth every night, lets me nap on her yoga mat, runs to pet me when I whimper, lifts me on and off the sofa, lets me sniff the baby doves and quails, lets me chase the lizards … basically anything and everything I want.

I do like to watch TV with you though, Dad. It’s just that it gets old after six hours of non-stop sports and drama shows. (Mom knows I like the dog shows.)

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Charlee’s Top Six Picks for Staying Young in 2016

 

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Charlee’s DIY, coconut oil paw treatment

#1 – DIY, coconut oil moisturizing socks for soft, luscious paws – I use my Miss Piggy socks with organic coconut oil (see photo). Mom uses gLOVE Treat – a DIY, paraffin wax hand treatment with coconut and lavender oils. She heats them in the microwave … mmm! (www.glovetreat.com)

#2 – Dr. Peter Dobias Holistic Veterinarian (He is wonderful.) – My favorite products are his GreenMin and SoulFood, natural vitamin and mineral supplements for dogs. (www.drdobias.com) Mom makes me a delicious green shake every morning with berries – a great energy drink before my second walk!

#3 – Latisse – (I just look like I have eyelash extensions.) Try www.shoplatisseMD.com for the best deals.

#4 – Restylane – Still a favorite filler since its U.S. launch in 2004 when it won Allure’s Best of Beauty Breakthrough Award. (www.allure.com) (www.restylaneusa.com)(http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20041019005195/en/Restylane-Honored-Allure-Magazines-Beauty-Breakthrough-Award)

#5 – BOTOX – Who doesn’t need a furrow fix now and then? And still going strong after all of these years. (www.botoxcosmetic.com)

#6 – Laser? – No, thanks, I like my spots! Go to sleep! Napping most of the day keeps me rejuvenated for my walks. (#beautysleep)

Charlee Survives Finals Week

Thanksgiving 2014: Selfie with Mom and Cousin Morgan

Thanksgiving 2014: Selfie with Mom & Cousin Morgan

First of all, I extend sincerest apologies to family, friends, and blog followers for my hiatus during fall semester. My workload has been grueling. Despite that, finals are over, and I survived! And, I should even make the Dean’s Honor Roll (although I am a little concerned because the professor in my “Javelinas: Danger! Danger!” class put test questions on the final pertaining to things we never even discussed in class and which could not be found in our textbook). Whatever. Right? Anyway … my classes were as follows:

“Lizards of Arizona”

“Poisonous Snakes Indigenous to the Southwest”

“How Arizona Heat Can Heal and Kill”

“Javelinas: Danger! Danger!”

“Advanced Communications: Barking vs. Public Speaking”

As you can see, I had a full load. But, my mom made sure I had plenty of good food, treats, walks, baths, adventures, air-conditioned quarters, and a clean bed. (Dad made sure I had plenty of TV time.)

Anyway, just wanted to thank everyone for not giving up on me. I hope to be graduating soon and able to write more often after that.

Happy Holidays!

Cheers,

Charlee

So, I Got Hurt This Morning

It all happened on my second walk around 8:30 a.m. My neighbor’s nine-year-old daughter was walking her two dogs. Technically, these little dogs are called Papillons. But to me, they look like long-haired Chihuahuas. And I hate Chihuahuas.

So, I barked. I may have barked a lot. Anyway, my mother was trying to pull me back, as I may have been a tad bit aggressive and feigned an attack on them. It just seemed that way. I mean, I would never attack, especially when the nine-year-old daughter and her mom always pet me and give me presents.

Anyway, I fell off the curb and howled. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. And, it was my bum leg.

“What have I done now?” I wondered, as my mother bent down and tried to examine the damage. I, of course, would not allow her to help — at all. Remember, Chihuahuas. I have a duty to continue barking as I intermittently howl in pain.

So, Mom just picked me up and carried me home, scolding me (rather unsympathetically, I would say) along the way. I was still barking. To any observers, it probably appeared as though I was a naughty dog.

So, we get inside. The leg does not seem to be broken. However, I have a dangling, bleeding dewclaw, and it hurts every time I move. My mother Googles “dangling dewclaw.”

“In case of bleeding, call vet.” Oh no! The vet?

So, she called the vet. Closed. (Hooray!!! 4th of July; Independence Day; a holiday!) Oops. Celebrated way too soon because my mother then called the Emergency Animal Clinic and described the situation. (Why, oh why, does there have to be an Emergency Animal Clinic?) They wanted to take a look. Of course. Why not? Let them take a look. Ugh.

So, my mother (my dad is always gone in the summer, and she has to do EVERYTHING) carries me to the car and drives me way up to the Emergency Animal Clinic at Scottsdale and Williams.

Did I mention that I hate going to the vet? You know what happens, and it did. Yes, the thermometer in places it just shouldn’t be. Anyway, guess what you do with a dangling, bleeding dewclaw.

“Oh, well, we will just spray some antiseptic on it, and yank it out.”

I nearly pottied on the floor. They were going to “yank out” the nail. Oh my goodness. I started panting. My heart rate skyrocketed. “Yank?” Sounds onomatopoeic. What a terrible thing to do to a dog all because of “Papillons.” (And did I mention that they had barked first? Really, they did.)

Sigh. I am at home now … recuperating. The vet said bed rest for five to seven days. That’s like telling my mother to go on bed rest … IOW, not happening. Energetic. Can’t miss anything. I mean, there are lizards and baby quails and a baby dove even.

Yes, and those awful Chihuahua lookalikes. But, I’m not one to hold a grudge. In fact, I can hardly wait until my mid-afternoon walk. I just hope no one notices my bandage.