- Charlee’s Brave Dog Hamburger Book (for bullies who want to do better)
- Charlee’s Pink Fur Coat Book (for those whose self-image may have been hurt)
- Charlee’s Plush Toy (for those who need a hug)
- Charlee’s Tales coloring books (for those who may not be old enough to read the full-length allegorical Charlee’s Tales yet)
- Chicken treats (for Charlee)
Just in time for #NationalBookLoversDay this #Friday comes my new book, “Charlee’s Pink Fur Coat.” Buy it and laugh when I turn pink. Buy it and love when my mom makes it all okay. #SelfImage #PinkCharlee #CharleesTales http://www.CharleesTales.com
What? You mean I get to play with bunnies this weekend? #DontTrustCharlee http://www.CharleesTales.com
I love my new toy! Now, Mom says I need to work on sharing. ?? #GratefulGirl #RoomForImprovement
Mom knows I love The Home Depot. On Saturday mornings, they have extra treats for me. I get lots of attention because I am so wonderful. (That’s what my mom says anyway.) Oh, and did I mention their spacious carts? More room for those extra treats! Happy!
What began as a simple adventure last Thursday ended with enlightenment. Allow me to explain.
Charlee had just returned home from an outing with her dad. Apparently, she found the outing rather disappointing because she immediately ran over to me and did her little dance, i.e., several 360-degree twirls, indicating she wanted something (or more accurately, wanted something more).
Having only a few errands on my agenda, I asked Charlee, ”Do you want Mommy to take you on an adventure?” That obviously was the right question because she ran over to her chain and tapped it with her nose. So, off to The Home Depot (conveniently located next door to PETsMART) we went for a product return now four weeks procrastinated (two birds with one stone, n’est-ce pas?).Since our home renovations began back in July (yes, we are now in the fourth month after a brief hiatus during August), Charlee has become quite a celebrity at The Home Depot. She likes their spacious orange carts because she can take a nap if the mission there hits a time-consuming snag. Anyway, the return clerk greeted her, petted her and gave her an Alpo Snap. Charlee thanked her with a generous head nuzzle. “Aw. Is Charlee a therapy dog?” the clerk asked. “Mine,” I replied promptly. “Saves me thousands,” I added.
With that errand completed, we headed next door to PETsMART. This particular PETsMART is not Charlee’s favorite because it has a pet daycare and boarding facility, both of which concern her. (She has abandonment issues because I traveled extensively for work over a 10-year span.) Anyway, last Thursday, she wanted out of the store.
Needing to compensate for a rather disappointing PETsMART workout, we power walked the 15-store strip mall as we do in the cooler weather. Generally when we do this, we stop at Fry’s Supermarket, where Charlee jumps on a bench and takes a short breather before heading back to the car. But, not this past Thursday …
Instead, Charlee headed right past Fry’s to the front door of Barnes & Noble, pulling me towards it with determination. “No, Charlee. No dogs allowed in Barnes & Noble,” I said. Charlee, usually one to behave immediately, was insistent that we go inside and sat down on the pavement in front of the door, staring up at me expectantly. “Charlee, no dogs allowed,” I repeated firmly, as she was blocking the door where patrons were gathering. “There’s a Starbuck’s inside,” I explained, knowing without a doubt she totally understood me and the rationale for her outdoor confinement. “Now let’s go.” She obeyed then, albeit reluctantly.As we walked slowly back to Fry’s for our short rest on the bench, I felt obligated to alleviate the disappointment I was so certain Charlee was experiencing. “Just think,” I said, trying to cheer her up, “maybe humans are not allowed on Planet Dog.”
Charlee looked at me as though to say, “Of course, humans are allowed on Planet Dog. Who else could we train so well?”
Reporter: What’s it like being a celebrity dog?
Charlee: I am photographed a lot more than most dogs.
Reporter: You mean you dislike that? You’re so photogenic!
Charlee: Thanks. It means my mom weighs me a lot. Remember, I lost eight pounds two years ago and have to keep it off. That’s hard when you are a foodie like I am.
Reporter: I see. Well, you have beautiful brown eyes, although I understand they were green recently. Can you explain?
Charlee: Sure. That would be Mac-too, my grandparents’ new Westie puppy. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about him … maybe somewhat jealous, according to the blog post. We’re okay now though. He understands I am still the favorite.
Reporter: Speaking of favorites, I understand from your most recent and quite impressive sonnet that your mother takes you on an adventure everyday. What is your favorite adventure and why?
Charlee: Well, Petco sells ferrets. They live in big glass houses. I love the ferrets, but they get sold quickly. So, a long-term relationship is not possible.
The guinea pigs at both PETsMART and Petco are fun. I get photographed with them a lot. They have glass houses, too.So do the fish.
I think PETsMART is my favorite adventure overall because I get a complimentary treat when I leave.
Reporter: How do you respond to people calling you a spoiled princess?
Charlee: I just matter-of-factly point out their inaccuracy, and explain how I would characterize myself as a “well-behaved” princess. Yes, my mom treats me very well. It’s true. However, she does have rules. I follow the rules.
Reporter: Give me some examples of the rules.
Charlee: That’s easy. I am not allowed to nap on the sofa unless I am on my blanket. I am not allowed junk food of any kind. I have to get my teeth brushed regularly.
Reporter: What’s your sign?
Charlee: My favorite sign is PETsMART. Remember … the complimentary treat?
Reporter, chuckling: No, what’s your Zodiac sign?
Charlee: I don’t know what you mean.
Reporter: Rumor has it that you have a great disposition. Is there anything that irritates you?
Reporter: What or where is the famous “magic window” we have heard about?
Charlee: It’s at In-N-Out Burger. Once a week, my mom drives there to sit in a long line so she can talk to a black box. Once it talks back to her, she drives forward behind other cars until she gets to the first of two windows. She pays at the first window. Then, we sit with other cars and watch people prepare delicious food behind a huge glass window. Finally, we pull up to the second window. That’s the magic window. The teenager at the magic window hands mom a protein-style double meat, and my mouth waters. My mom always laughs and says, “Pavlov,” as she gives me a bite. It’s magical.
Reporter: How did you prepare for this interview?
Charlee: My mom prepped me. She does this for a living and is very good at it. She gave me a bath.
Reporter: What made you consent to an interview on M&A Monday?
Charlee: From what I hear, the M&A scene has been pretty slow this summer. So, I was not concerned about the timing.
Reporter: Well, I’m so glad you took the time today. Thank you for sharing what it’s like to be a dog celebrity. I wish you the best in your blogging.
Charlee: Thank you. It has been my pleasure. I appreciate your interest and that of my readers. I wouldn’t be a celebrity without their support. Until the next blog post …
She spoils me is what some may often say.
PetSmart, Petco, Pet Club and sometimes Lowe’s …
She takes me on adventures everyday,
(and wants to take me flying with “Dog Bose”).
She bathes me weekly and brushes my shedding coat,
Puts cream on my paws and checks my face for stains,
Fastens the pretty pink collar around my throat,
In the ‘Benz we speed to Starbucks drive-thru lane.
An iced venti unsweet’nd green tea for her,
Grande water (and treat she brought) for me,
To the pet store next where cats are adopted and purr.
Lizards, parrots, ferrets and fish we see.
Adventures with my mom are always fun.
But my favorite with her is watching the rising sun.